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What would you say if I told you that I want to get married
and have five or six kids someday? Would you think, “That girl is insane! Why
would she want to ruin her life like that?” or would you think, “Wow, now there
is a girl who has come to terms with being a woman in an anti-woman world”?
I used this
line as the opening hook in my third speech in my public speaking class this
semester. Believe me, it got people’s attention. But the issue of my speech was
addressed in the first two sentences that came out of my mouth. This idea of
feminism has changed the way people think about things in life; namely,
marriage, family, and career.
I will
maintain that women have not been liberated by feminism. In fact, is has hurt
and hindered them in several ways.
Why is the
topic of feminism relevant to all people? Women are affected because this issue
deals with them directly. Of course, anything that affects women is also going
to affect men, because they are, after all, human beings and the actions of one
human being can often affect the actions of another. Therefore, the waves of
feminism wash over all people (whether they realize it or not.)
Has
feminism truly liberated women? Or are
they able to be as independent in the home as well as in the workplace? What
has been gained? More importantly, what has been lost? Many, many questions.
Where (and what) are the answers?
First let
us deal with liberation in the workforce. Have women been liberated by joiing
the workplace?
The feminist idea is that women ought to have
a career because, as Betty Friedan of The Feminine Mystique suggests,
women are not able to be self-fulfilled unless they are living their lives for
themselves. (Of course this thought is very selfish and rather ridiculous, but
that is another argument.) I must question this thought of liberation, however.
Call me dense, but I do not see how women are liberated in any fashion by
having a job.
In his article “Feminism, the Boy
and the Machine, Wendell Berry addresses the issue of liberation in working. He
writes, “And the oppressiveness of some of this office work defies belief.
Edward Mendelson (in the New
Republic, February 22,
1988) speaks of ‘the office worker whose computer keystrokes are monitored by
the central computer in the personnel office, and who will be fired if the
keystrokes-per-minute figure doesn’t match the corporate quota.’ (Mr. Mendelson
does not say what form of drudgery this worker is being saved from.)And what
are we to say of the diversely skilled country housewife who now bores the same
six holes day after day on an assembly line? What higher form of womanhood or
humanity is she consenting to evolving toward?”
Tell me, how is having a career helping womanhood to advance? Berry later suggests in his article that men
certainly have not been improved by it, so women can hardly expect to be. How
can we subject ourselves to a boss when we can rule in the home?
Second, men cannot do what women do
better than woman can do it, so can we (as women) expect to do what men can do
better than men can do it?
I think not; it does not logically
follow. Curses on the man who says he can do what I do better than I! There is
no way he could take my place and role and fulfill it wholly. Likewise, I would
not expect to be able to be as a man and do what he does well.
Women have perfected the art of
homemaking. Is it fair or right for us to take away from men what they have
perfected? Certainly men ought to be considered as well; it is only right.
Let me
pause from my argument for a moment and interject that I do not necessarily
think that it is wrong for women to work or have a career. At times, it is
necessary and beneficial for a woman to work. My point is merely that women
must not look down upon taking care of a home; they should not see it as a life
and job without honor and esteem. I am afraid that far too often a life of
raising one’s children and staying home is looked at as a lower form of life
than having a career. Ironically, thirty or forty years ago, this was opposite.
There is no
either/or logic here. It is good for a woman to stay home and it also can be
good for a woman to work. It should not be at the neglect of her family nor
should homemaking be looked at as an unsuccessful way of living, but working
women are not inherently wrong.
Third, I
will return to the topic of men. What has feminism done, if anything, to men?
Most importantly, there must be a
recognized difference between men and women. Feminism has attempted much to
erase the lines between man and woman, male and female. However, no matter how
hard they try, men are different from women and women are different from men.
And guess what? This is ok! Not only
is it ok, but it is the way we were created and formed.
In her
article, “Stop Feminizing Our Boys—Our Schools Are Suffering,” Jill Parkin
writes that she firmly believes even schools are beginning to erase the lines
between sexes. She believes that curriculums are geared more towards girls and
do not challenge and inspire boys they way they ought. As a result, not as many
boys are pursuing education beyond high school. The girls are, however, because
the curriculum is put together in such a way that they learn well and are
therefore encouraged and inspired to continue their education. Boys learn
differently than girls (as is only natural) and ought to be taught in a such a
way that inspires them to pursue learning. In order for boys to become true
men, this difference between sexes must be recognized. If it is not, then they
will end up even more confused about their roles in life.
In some ways, feminism has helped
men. If the wife is working, there will be more money in the family. This could
cause the husband to think that he does not need to work as hard. It could also
cause the husband to feel as if his role and job are threatened because no
longer is he the one providing for his family. It also could cause him to not
work as hard at his job because there are so many women eager to climb the
corporate ladder. Less work is better, right?
However, men can be hurt further by
feminism. No longer will they be coming back to a happy home and dinner, for
the wife will be just as tired as he, and far too exhausted to be sensitive to
his needs. Once again, I am not saying that this is always the case, merely
that it could very well be so. Women working and running a home can be done
very successfully.
For example, the house in which I
live is such a case. Both parents work. Not only does the wife have a
successful career as a doctor, but she also runs her home with great success.
She works four days a week during the hours her girls are in school. Whenever
they are home, so is she. A successful life with work and family is possible.
Finally, how can these questions be
answered and the problems solved? The first thing that woman can do is see that
there is honor and esteem in such a thing as homemaking. The home is the
woman’s domain and there is nothing wrong with thinking so. Staying home is
every bit as hard and rewarding as a job outside of the home. It is not a 9-5
job; instead, it is 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Raising the next generation
and being a helpmeet to one’s husband is a honorable, challenging task.
In her book To Hell With All
That: Loving and Loathing our Inner Housewife, Caitlin Flanagan suggests
the outrageous idea that perhaps some marriages are not successful because both
husband and wife are so tired and weary from working that neither one of them has any energy to devote to the
marriage. Perhaps if hours were cut down, or one decided to work from home, or
more of an effort was made to solve problems, the number of unsuccessful
marriages would change.
Furthermore, Robert Bly writes in
his book Iron John, “Some say, ‘Well, let’s just be human, and not talk
about masculine or feminine at all.’ People who say that imagine they are
occupying the moral high ground. I say that we have to be a little gentle here,
and allow the word masculine and the word feminine to be spoken, and not be
afraid that some moral carpenter will make boxes of those words and imprison us
in them. We are all afraid of boxes, and rightly so.” He goes on to mention
that naming the characteristic of masculine traits and feminine traits are not
such awful things as we think. Men and women have different traits and
characteristics and, therefore, different roles. If we do not realize this than we will never be
able to strive towards change.
Women have not been liberated by
feminism. Instead, it has only caused them to think that there is no honor or
independence in keeping a home. This has hurt the family and marriage and the role
of manhood and womanhood.
I want to married and have a family
someday. I also want to be a journalist. I am certain that I can do both with
success and femininity. Let it not be said that I am not a true woman!
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